Engage Aotearoa

Category Archives: Parents And Parenting

Compulsory Treatment in NZ Mental Health | Take it From Us radio 18 Nov 2014

November 17, 2014 9:09 pm ⋅

Tomorrow Take It From Us again takes a look at the frequency of compulsory treatment orders issued within our mental health system, and reviews the most recent report on our mental health from the director of mental health in his annual report. Hear the thoughts of consumers James King and Reina Harris about these issues, and how discriminatory such legislation can be.

Take It From Us, PlanetFM104.6 @ 12.30pm Tuesday 17 November 2014 

Listen live on 104.6FM at 12.30pm or online www.planetaudio.org.nz

OR if you missed the broadcast, listen for the next seven days @: www.planetaudio.org.nz/takeitfromus

Email Sheldon.brown@framework.org.nz for any feedback and comment/suggestions for shows. 

Posted in: Families/Whanau, Human Rights and Legal Issues, Online Resources, Parents and Parenting, Service-User Movement, Social Change ⋅ Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , ,

5 things I learned about coping with depression in my teens

October 6, 2014 12:35 am ⋅

RecoveryNotes_WebImage

Five things I learned about coping with depression as a teenager

Recovery Note #4

~ Emma Edwards

1. It’s okay to not be okay

It is not a weakness to experience depression, anxiety, and other forms of distress as a teenager. It is quite common! Society tells us that we should look and behave in certain ways, and that we have to fit a certain stereotype in order to simply be accepted. I didn’t think it was okay to be struggling with depression when I was a teenager. I thought it meant I was weak and worthless. But admitting that I was not okay and that I did not know who I was took me on a journey of incredible discovery. I came out the other end of the dark tunnel with strength, purpose, and value for my life. I wouldn’t change a thing.

2. Connection is the key

It is incredibly lonely when experiencing depression – and I almost think it is more lonely when you experience depression as a teenager, during the life-stage in which you are trying to figure out how and where you fit in the world. At a time in your life when you are trying to fit in, you fall into a dark hole that isolates you – giving you no opportunity to find your place in the world. I isolated myself and was anxious to interact with anyone. However, the most useful thing for me was the one thing I did not want to do – it was to spend time with friends, family, and people who understood what I was going through.

“When you are at the bottom of the dark hole, it feels like every movement causes you to fall deeper. It is extremely difficult to see that each step actually takes you closer to the light of day.”

3. Asking for help actually helps!

Looking back, I had friends around me going through similar struggles, and I wanted them to be honest, ask for help, and let me support them. I saw them as courageous when they confronted their fears, darkness, and failures head-on. I learned that it takes more courage to be vulnerable, ask for help, and accept others’ support than it does to wrestle alone in the dark. I learned that friends, family, and professionals actually wanted to help me. Each time that I reached outside of myself and asked for help, my burden was lightened a little bit because it was shared with another. Even if the problem was not solved by the other person, at least I felt more understood, more loved, and less alone.

4. Balance between trust and supervision

I am sure my adolescent self would not admit this, but I’ve learned from looking back at my experience that it was helpful to have a balance of trust and supervision from my parents. I think this balance is largely determined by what is safe for us. As I built up trust with my parents, the amount of supervision I needed decreased. I found that, as my parents trusted me more, I learned to trust myself more – giving me confidence in myself. From my view, the helpful parent provides love, encouragement, support, practical help, and compassionate supervision.Blaming, minimising, or not being taken seriously are not helpful. Being listened to, provided with appropriate help, and shown compassion are essential.

5. It is never the end

There is always hope. I know clichés like “there’s a light at the end of the tunnel” often don’t provide much reassurance at the time, but it turns out they are actually true. When you are at the bottom of the dark hole, it feels like every movement causes you to fall deeper. It is extremely difficult to see that each step actually takes you closer to the light of day. But others can see it. Others can see the bigger picture because they are not in the dark hole with you. In these times, when all hope seems to have escaped you – I learned that I could rely on at least one person around me to hold the hope for me. When I could not see it, they could. When I could not believe, they believed. They held my hope, and gave it back to me when I could hold it again. It is never the end. There is always hope.

Emma Edwards

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About the author: Emma Edwards is currently completing her doctorate degree. She was previously a registered mental-health professional, working in youth and adult mental-health settings. Her own service-user and family experience with mental-health struggles sparked her passion to support others and make a difference to those struggling to cope with difficult times.

Read more Recovery Notes here

Recovery Notes is an Engage Aotearoa project that asks people to share the top five tips and insights they have learned from or about their personal experiences of mental-health recovery or being a supporter.

Write your own Recovery Note

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Copyright (c) Engage Aotearoa, 2014

Posted in: Engage Updates, Online Resources, Parents and Parenting, Recovery Notes, Recovery Stories, Service-User Movement, Suicide Prevention/Support, Young People and Youth Issues ⋅ Tagged: , , , , , , , ,

Keep Learning with the Updated Online Resources Pack

October 6, 2014 12:10 am ⋅

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In support of this year’s Mental-Health Awareness week theme, ‘Keep Learning’, the team at Engage Aotearoa have added two new pages of links to the Online Resources Pack for you to explore. Find new online sources of distraction/entertainment, self-help tools, information, support and recovery stories – and keep learning for Mental-Health Awareness Week and beyond.

Click here to browse and save a copy of the updated file

New links include…

  • All Right Canterbury
  • Beyond Meds
  • Coming Off
  • Conversations that Matter
  • Depression is Not Your Destiny
  • Everybody
  • Guide to Psychology and its Practice
  • Intervoice
  • Like Minds, Like Mine
  • Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse NZ
  • Mental Health News Hub
  • Mind Share
  • Open Culture
  • Reasons to Go on Living
  • Recovery Notes
  • SPARX CBT Computer Game
  • Support for Parents of Suicidal Teens
  • Support Page for Anxiety Depression and Mental Illness
  • The Depression Center 4.0
  • The Peaceful Parent
  • Worry Wise Kids

Find more Recovery Information Packs on the Engage Aotearoa website.

 

Posted in: Engage Updates, Entertainment and Creativity, Families/Whanau, Men, Online Resources, Parents and Parenting, Personal Development Tools, Recovery Stories, Service-User Movement, Suicide Prevention/Support, Young People and Youth Issues ⋅ Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

5 things I’ve learned about surviving my darkest struggles

October 2, 2014 10:23 pm ⋅

RecoveryNotes_WebImage
Five things I’ve learned about surviving my darkest struggles

Recovery Note #3

~ Taimi Allan

1. De-claw the Bear

Talking about the most difficult stuff (the unwanted thoughts, the frightening images, fears, guilt and panic) takes their power away. These things are waking nightmares designed by my brain to purge the rubbish and if I don’t find a way to let them out and dispose of them they become a self-destruct mechanism. Speaking them aloud to someone empathetic and non-judgmental I can trust helps me to challenge their hold on me, come up with more balanced perspectives and talk through cause and solution.

2. Look for physical and environmental causes

Sure there are some moments where my distress/depression/mania/psychosis is an equal and opposite reaction to an external, significant, negative event; those moments are really tough and life feels very unfair. The upside of horrible things happening to me though is that it’s easy to see why my brain is in meltdown, and get support and empathy from others. Sometimes, however, it just hits me like a sledge hammer from seemingly out of the blue. In these times my experience tells me there is usually a physical cause, maybe my hormones have gone haywire, I’ve developed a food allergy, eaten unhealthily for too long (or not eaten at all) or typically, I’ve not had enough sleep. I know now that if I address the physical stuff, nurture my temple then my mental health follows.

3. Avoid the Sirens-song of Substances

We all know the myths of sailors lured by beautiful Siren song only to become shipwrecked on the rocks. It is very easy in my darkest moments to reach out for the easiest means of escape. “Self medication” for me nowadays is junk food and wine. In my darkest moments it is tempting to use them, or something more destructive as a quick way of blocking out, avoiding or putting off dealing with what’s really going on. I learned the hard way that even taking a single step in this direction when I’m unwell is bad, bad news. As difficult as it is, I need to remove the temptation completely from my home, my friendships and my life until the moment has passed and I feel in control enough to simply eat respectfully and drink in moderation.

4. Observe moments of choice

Mental distress is like a pot-bellied stove, it gets stronger by feeding on every little piece of negativity and fear and yet it is warm and inviting. It is easy to fall into the comfort of distress, it sounds contradictory but life IS unfair and horrible so sometimes the only thing I really want to do is escape under the bed-covers, take a respite from responsibility and shut out the world. In every single millisecond however I know I have a choice to turn that around. I forgive myself for needing a moment to wallow, then as soon as I notice the moment that don’t have to punish myself or anyone else, I make the conscious choice to do something different.

5. Take responsibility

Here’s the truth as I see it for me; it is not the rest of the world, the people around me, services, doctors or pharmaceuticals job to ‘cure’ or ‘fix’ me. They are helpful aides when I need support, but without my buy-in, they actually don’t have much effect. In fact, if I blame anyone or anything outside of myself I know the situation very quickly deteriorates. That doesn’t mean I need to blame myself, but adopting a radical acceptance of the situation I’ve found myself in and a willingness to do everything I can to improve it gives me back some semblance of control. It’s fair to say that when I’m at my worst, I feel completely out of control, so this step towards autonomy is imperative to becoming whole again.

~ Taimi Allan

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About the author: Taimi Allan has worked as a mental health consultant since 2009. She is most well known in the field for innovative and engaging health promotion strategies that challenge attitudes, inspire creativity and entertain audiences.

Read more Recovery Notes here 

Recovery Notes is an Engage Aotearoa project that asks people to share the top five tips and insights they have learned from or about their personal experiences of mental-health recovery or being a supporter.

Write your own Recovery Note

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Copyright (c) Engage Aotearoa, 2014

Posted in: Families/Whanau, Older People and Aging, Parents and Parenting, People with Disabilities, Recovery Notes, Recovery Stories, Young People and Youth Issues ⋅ Tagged: , , , , , , , ,

5 things I’ve learned about supporting friends in distress

September 29, 2014 5:33 pm ⋅

RecoveryNotes_WebImage

Five things I’ve learned about supporting friends in distress

Recovery Note #2

by Sheree Veysey

As a person who has experienced my fair share of mental distress and who now works in the counselling field, I have learned a few things about how to be there for someone who is upset and how to ask others to be there for me.  I wish this list had been available for me to give my friends and supporters in times  past – I lost a few of them, at least partly because of the stress that supporting a friend who has longer term “stuff” going on put on our relationship.

1. You don’t need to fix: you don’t need to make someone feel better

We live in a fixing culture, and often when someone tells us what’s going on for them, we jump immediately to problem solving, or ideas for the person to do things differently to make them feel different. This is often not helpful as frequently the person can feel that they are not heard. This may also give the message that their less pleasant feelings are somehow ‘wrong’ and that if they tried harder to ‘fix’ them they would not have issues…

Instead of aiming to help someone feel better, if we concentrate on listening to their experience and validating it then often the person will walk away feeling heard, less alone, (and not surprisingly often feeling a touch better). Validating people’s feelings and experience is about just acknowledging where they are: “I can see how you would feel that…” “Wow, that’s a lot going on” “No wonder you feel overwhelmed.”

The opposite is invalidation (e.g. “I don’t see what the big deal is.” “There’s no reason to get so upset”) which can leave people feeling isolated and awful about themselves.

2. Friend and support versus therapist…

If someone is dealing with high levels of distress, then I would be strongly encouraging them to be engaged with health services (doctor, counselling, psychologist, mental health services) rather than just using friends for support. Counsellor’s and others who work with people in distress receive comprehensive training and regular supervision. Part of the reason they are able to offer such intensive listening and support to a person is because of this- and also because the time they give has boundaries around it and clear expectations.

When we try to be there for someone in a lot of distress outside of these professional relationships, often we start out with lots of energy and listening time and empathy. However, if the distress is not short lived, we often run into problems because we have not put boundaries around our time and availability. We  tell our friend to call us at any time of the day and night- and when they start doing this, the supporter can be left burnout, not wanting to hear from their friend, guilty about feeling this way and sometimes even experiencing what is called ‘vicarious trauma’ from listening to really difficult and traumatic experiences.

If you are aware of this pitfall, then you can set some boundaries with the person. Boundaries are our friends! Some of these may not need to be discussed and you can just hold them in your own head, others you might like to talk about. You need to be clear about where your lines in the sand are about what you can and cannot offer: Are there things you don’t feel able to talk about with the friend and you would prefer they saw a professional? How late is it okay to call? What about if they are intoxicated? What if they are feeling that they might harm themselves? What if they want to stay over?

3. Think long haul 

The boundary setting above is crucial if you intend to keep this person in your life long term.

I have had times in my life when a dear friend has let me know she isn’t available for any support at this time. While in the moment I would have preferred it to be different, I also understood that her letting me know this was about her wish to be a friend for the long haul and to do this, she needed to prioritise her wellbeing.

I would far rather have her in my life for years to come, than lose this friendship because she got exhausted. In return I have learned to set similar boundaries with friends in distress – letting them know I care very deeply but I don’t have the capacity for support right now. I would always encourage people to be developing a number of supports for themselves- I feel it leads to far healthier relationships.

Some people experiencing distress are hyper aware of asking for ‘too much’, and as a result often won’t ask for support they need because of their fear. Talking about this issue can really encourage them to reach out at the appropriate time, knowing you will be able to say “not today” if you need to.

4. Reciprocity

When I was a teenager I had a good friend who didn’t tell me until weeks afterward that she was living with another family for a while because her parents were fighting and might be splitting up. I asked her why she hadn’t told me, and she said that she didn’t want to put any other stress on me because I was having such a hard time. I heard her thoughtfulness, but at the same time I was dismayed, because I didn’t just want a friend- I wanted the chance to be a friend. I would have liked to take the opportunity to give back to her with some listening and support. Our friendships work best when there are vaguely equal amounts of give and take- so don’t be afraid to ask your friend who is distressed for things you might need. If they can’t give this at the time- well this is also a good chance for them to practice boundary setting and say no (remember- boundaries are our friends).

5. Look after yourself

You matter, and you need to keep an eye on your own well-being. Sometimes when someone we love is really struggling we can tell ourselves we should just keep giving and giving to them because they are having a harder time than us. In the long term, this really does not do ourselves or them any good.

Don’t underestimate the stress of having someone you care about really struggling. Good sleep, a wide variety of food, some sunshine and physical activity are all important! Turn to your supports, and even think about seeing a professional if you feel you need to. This is great modelling to our friends, families and children.

Arohanui

Sheree Veysey

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Sheree Veysey is a counsellor from Auckland offering counselling and coaching via Skype and face to face at www.lifeinprogress.co.nz. Her own journey toward wellbeing inspired her to work with people and offer them the compassion that helped her healing. Sheree is also a writer, dog owner, auntie and part-time performer.

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Read Recovery Note #1: Five things I’ve learned about food and my mood

Posted in: Engage Updates, Older People and Aging, Parents and Parenting, Recovery Notes, Recovery Stories, Suicide Prevention/Support, Support, Young People and Youth Issues ⋅ Tagged: , , , , , , , ,

Mindfulness champion on Take It From Us Radio | 30 Sep 2014

September 29, 2014 4:15 pm ⋅

On Tuesday 30 September,  tune into Take it From Us to hear from to a young psychologist who is a champion of alternative natural therapies, especially mindfulness, to manage mental health. Special guest Vikki Baird has already done some hard yards in mental health and gained some insights as a result of working in intensive residential rehabilitation.

Listen live on 104.6FM at 12.30pm or online www.planetaudio.org.nz

OR if you missed the broadcast, listen for the next seven days: www.planetaudio.org.nz/takeitfromus

And don’t forget the Facebook page @ Facebook.com and type ‘take it from us’ in the search box; contact Sheldon.brown@framework.org.nz for any feedback and comment/suggestions for shows.

Posted in: Online Resources, Parents and Parenting, Personal Development Tools, Service-User Movement, Young People and Youth Issues ⋅ Tagged: , , , , ,

Feed the Kids Bill Aims for Government-Funded Food-in-Schools Programme

March 27, 2014 5:40 pm ⋅

The following is a press release from Hone Harawira, MANA Leader and MP for Te Tai Tokerau

Wednesday 12 March 2014

“Kids have a knack of saying things plain and simple” said Hone Harawira, MANA Leader and Tai Tokerau MP, following the lunch he hosted at Parliament today for 50 students from Naenae College who help run the school’s KickStart breakfast club.

“When asked why they support MANA’s Feed the Kids Bill they said they hate seeing kids having to scab food off other kids, and they’re embarrassed to have to hide their own lunches from their class mates.”

“And then they asked “Why can’t John Key make a smart decision and just Feed the Kids?”

“I was glad I was able to personally acknowledge the Naenae College seniors for fronting their breakfast club” said Harawira, “but the school’s guidance counsellor tells me it’s a real struggle organising volunteers, raising funds, and getting businesses to sponsor the extra kai.”

In question time today, which the College students observed, Mr Harawira pointed out that the government-assisted KickStart and KidsCan programmes feed about 20,000 students a day “which means that 80,000 are still going hungry … every day.”

“Even the kids are telling us that more needs to be done” said Harawira, “but government just point-blank refuses to step in.”

“In fact, Bill English thinks that hungry kids can learn just fine!”

“Honestly, it’s bloody frustrating when those who lead the country can be so dumb.”

MANA’s Feed the Kids Bill, which aims to introduce government-funded breakfast and lunch programmes for all students in decile 1-2 schools, is expected to be up for first reading in the coming months.

For further information from MANA, please contact Jevan Goulter, (022) 088-5646.

Posted in: Parents and Parenting, Physical Health, Politics and Policy, Young People and Youth Issues ⋅ Tagged: , , ,

Chinese Community Asked to Reconsider Disability

March 10, 2014 6:23 pm ⋅

Chinese Parents Support Service Trust (CPSST) is embarking a journey to ask the Chinese community to Think Differently about disability.

“The unlimited love” is the title of the campaign to change attitudes and behaviour that limit opportunities for disabled Chinese people in Auckland. The campaign is funded through the Ministry of Social Development, Social Campaigns Team Family and Community Services.

The campaign will utilise Chinese media, such as Chinese Voice Radio AM936, Skykiwi (most popular Chinese website in New Zealand) and Chinese Herald (newspaper) to introduce a series of local and national disability services. These include, Autism NZ Inc, Blind Foundation, Deaf Radio, Circability, Elevate Christian Disability Trust, Mental Health Foundation’s Kai Xin Xing Dong project, Independent Living Services and many more. Beside that, Philip Patston and Dr. Huhana Hickey also shared their inspiration about their work in the disability sector.

Eva the CEO of CPSST hopes by introducing disability services Chinese people can gain an understanding of the services available for them. “ We hope more dialogue among Chinese community about disability by introducing the disability services”.

According to The New Zealand Disability Strategy One in five people, in New Zealand report having a long-term impairment. This can be born, incidents, health issues or require later in life.

(The Unlimited Love has been running on every Saturday for 13 weeks on AM 936 from 10am to 11am).

http://cpsst.org.nz/

Posted in: Asian Communities, Disability Issues, Human Rights and Legal Issues, Parents and Parenting, People with Disabilities, Social Change ⋅ Tagged: , , , , , ,

Highlights from the Engage Facebook Page

February 17, 2014 12:56 pm ⋅

Here are a few of the posts shared on the Engage Aotearoa Facebook Page in the last few weeks.

Posted in: Cultural Considerations, Engage Updates, Entertainment and Creativity, Families/Whanau, News, Online Resources, Parents and Parenting, Personal Development Tools, Recovery Stories, Research, Service-User Movement, Social Change, Suicide Prevention/Support ⋅ Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Mike King’s Korero Heads to Taupo and Reporoa | 20-21 February 2014

February 17, 2014 12:34 pm ⋅

Community Korero

This is a not-to-be-missed chance for communities to come together and explore how to support our youth and each other to survive and thrive. In the Community Korero, comedian Mike King gets straight up about his battle with depression, addiction and his ongoing journey back to recovery, including the mistakes he made along the way. Hear about the things he learnt from the hard times and how all those mistakes were blessings in disguise. Ask the questions you have always wanted to ask – Mike is joined by Tai Tupou for a Q & A session at the end of the talk. Connect with other community members who care. Plus heaps of useful resources to take away for later. Community Korero is open to all members of the community and is suitable for early teens to older adults. Mental-health workers, teachers, parents and town-planners are especially encouraged to attend this session.

Community Korero Dates

  • Thur 20 Feb 2014 | Venue: Taupo Nui a Tia College Hall, Taupo | Time: 7.00 pm
  • Fri 21 Feb 2014 | Venue: Reporoa Community Hall, Reporoa | Time 10.00 am – 12.00 pm
  • Fri 21 Feb 2014 | Venue: Te Toke Road Marae, Taupo | Time: 7.00 pm – 8.30 pm

Cool to Korero: School Sessions

Students get to spend some quality time with Kiwi comedian Mike King as he talks about how he survived growing up. Mike’s is the story of a kid who wanted to fit in. It is about wanting to be part of the cool group but being 4’11 with buck teeth and big ears and needing a miracle to make it happen. Then one day he discovered he had a gift to make people laugh and he went from being bullied, to being liked and then many years later becoming a bully himself. Mike shares tips on how to deal with bullies and also why bullies do what they do. Most of all, he speaks about why it is important to talk rather than have conversations with yourself.  Tai Tupou joins Mike for a Q&A session that gives students a chance to ask whatever they want of Mike and Tai. And anyone who needs support straight away will have the opportunity for some one-on-one time at the end. The main point is this… in life there will always be hurdles and heartbreak, but with perseverance, support and an attitude of hope, great things WILL happen.

Cool to Korero Dates

  • 20 February 2014 
    • Venue: Taupo Nui a Tia College, Taupo
    • Time: 9 am
  • 20 February 2014
    • Venue: Tauhara College, Taupo
    • Time: 1 pm
  • 21 February 2014 
    • Venue: Reporoa College, Reporoa
Posted in: Families/Whanau, Parents and Parenting, Social Change, Suicide Prevention/Support, Young People and Youth Issues ⋅ Tagged: , , , , , , , , ,